Coming to Terms with Heartbreak
By Mary Holton
Every heartbreak is different. Whether it was the person you thought was the love of your life you caught cheating on you or the person who you never even dated but they still broke your heart. One thing they all have in common is that it hurts. It hurts so much. Trust me, I know. You feel like you’ve been abandoned. That you will never find love like that again. But I’m here to tell you that that is not true and to help you come to terms with this heartbreak.
One of the first steps of coming to terms with heartbreak is accepting what happened. Now it may sound similar to coming to terms with it but it is not the same. After getting your heart broken a lot of times people are left in this “it doesn’t feel real phase”. Excuse me for being blunt, but it happened and it’s time you realize it. In order for this realization to happen, this is where you can do all the stereotypical heartbreak actions. This list consists of but is not limited to: crying, eating a lot of ice cream or whatever your guilty pleasure food is, watching sad movies (my personal go-to is Call Me By Your Name), and returning any items that your heartbreaker may have left or even things that remind you of them. Now say it with me here: being sad is OKAY. It is a totally normal human emotion that everyone experiences in life, especially after a heartbreak. Even being angry is totally normal and okay. If you do get angry, however, remember not to let that anger out on someone. You will regret it! Instead, write down your feelings or do anything else that you do to cope. It is a much healthier option that you will not regret doing in the future.
One thing to keep in mind throughout all of this is that if it was meant to be then it’ll be. If this person was truly the love of your life then you would still be with them. I know that this is a hard concept for some people to grasp. You may truly feel that this person was the one and you want nothing more than to get them back, but no. If it was meant to be it’ll be. True love will always be two things: easy and a two-way street. Meaning that you should not be breaking your back putting in all the effort to keep the relationship afloat. Even if you don’t believe it now, just keep it in the back of your mind, and eventually, you will understand.
This now leads me to the last step: learning to be on your own and finding yourself. Heartbreak leaves us all in a poor mental state, and while being sad is ok, if you’re not careful, then you could get stuck there. In order to prevent that from happening, do some things that you love. I know it sounds cheesy and sounds like something your therapist would say but it’s true. This step is arguably the most fun step. Now is the time to get your mind off of things. Here is where you should: clean your room (I know you haven’t kept it clean), hang out with friends and reconnect with society, get outdoors - go for a walk or maybe just sit outside for a while, put on that outfit that you love but have been too afraid to wear it in public, watch a movie that makes you laugh, find a new hobby, make something (a bracelet, a painting, a photo, anything that’ll make you feel accomplished), just do something that YOU love doing.
Now, I know heartbreaks aren’t as easy as a three-step list might make them seem, but maybe keep these ideas in mind and try them out sometime. No matter what you do to come to terms with your heartbreak I know one thing for a fact: you will get through this. Despite what phase you are in, always remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and there are always going to be people to help you get there. Focus on all the progress you’ve made and not how far you have left to go. You are so strong and we all believe in you.