Non-Black Allies: How to Talk to Your Friends and Family about Systemic Racism
By Katie Lotz
Photograph by Kelly Lotz
“All white people are inherently racist.” These words were spoken by a debate coach and PHD student who I had the privilege of listening to speak during a summer debate camp. As a 15 year old white girl from Boise, Idaho, the sentiment that all white people are inherently racist was jarring to me; I had prided myself on being a “good ally,” and I didn’t believe that I could be participating in racism. I would never discriminate or use a racial slur, so I couldn’t be racist, right? Not quite. As this debate coach continued his lecture and shared his own personal experiences with racism as a Black man in America, he went on to explain that all white people in America benefit from the racist system that we live in. Because of this, he explained that, “unless you are actively working to dismantle this racist system, you are, by concession, racist.”
Right now, during a time where our social media feeds are flooded with resources, education, and graphics regarding the BLM movement and the systemic racism in America, this lesson feels more prominent than ever. Many activists have been calling out performative activism or refusal to engage by stating that it is not enough to not “be” racist, non-black allies need to be actively anti-racist. And being anti-racist takes real work; it is not enough to simply repost a Black Lives Matter graphic on your instagram story, or post a black square to your account. Being anti-racist means doing the hard work on a personal level, and one of the best ways to do this is to talk to your friends, family, and acquaintances about systemic racism.
Something to remember: if you are a white person or non-black person of color, you have the privilege of choosing to not engage with the people in your life who may be explicitly or implicitly racist. Black people in their communities do not have the luxury of simply choosing not to engage with ignorant people. Your “nonpolitical” coworker, racist aunt, or ignorant parent still goes out into the world and interacts with people of color, whether you are there to witness it or not; they might be their neighbor, or nurse, or customer. For this reason, even though it is frustrating or emotionally draining to participate in these conversations, non-black allies have a position of privilege to use wisely. In addition to this, these conversations aren’t only limited to calling out blatantly offensive behavior; everyone should be consistently reevaluating the ways in which they can be better allies to the Black community. Talk to your friends who have remained silent on the issue of racial injustice (including the ones who simply posted a black square) as well.
That being said, these conversations can sometimes be difficult to initiate, so here are a few steps you can take to get those conversations started.
Educate Yourself - You can’t educate others if you yourself only have a surface level understanding of the issues at hand. Take the time to engage with literature and educational resources from Black educators and activists about systemic racism. Remember that it is not the responsibility of the Black people in your life or community to educate you on these issues; there is an abundance of information readily available for you to engage with on your own. Google terms you don’t understand, read literature by Black activists and philosophers, diversify who you follow on social media. You may even be surprised to learn that you are perpetuating microaggressions or are contributing to racist systems, and educating yourself will help you become a better ally.
Share Art Created By Black Artists - Many non-black people shy away from starting these conversations by claiming that they “don’t know what to say”. To an extent, that’s ok. If you are a white person, you never have and never will experience racism. If you are a non-black person of color, you will never experience the same form of racism that is inflicted on the Black community. However, not knowing what to say is not an excuse for inaction, because Black people have been speaking on these issues for generations; all you have to do is listen, and amplify their voices. For this reason, one of the best ways to start conversations about systemic racism is to critically engage with and share art by Black creators. Share music, podcasts, movies, or books created by Black artists with the people in your life, and discuss the messages within them. Too many people engage with black culture without showing up for the black community, or even critically engaging with the message behind many products of black culture. Because of this, it is not enough to simply promote and engage with stories and art from the Black community, non-black allies also need to make sure that they’re engaging with these works for the right reasons. For example, I recently encouraged my mom to watch Jordan Peele’s hit movies Get Out and Us, and afterwards we discussed the messages about race and inequality within these movies. My mom is a wonderful person, but like many people from her age range and background, she harbors unconscious biases. She admitted that engaging with these films made her realize the ways in which she has been ignorant to issues of racism throughout her life, and has encouraged her to further educate herself on systemic racism in America.
Engage With Social Media Posts Productively - For many people, social media has become the forum to display and discuss political views. The downside of this is that our social media circles are often filled with very like-minded people; sharing posts about our political opinions usually only reaches an already agreeable audience that acts as an echo chamber to reflect our own views back at us. Because of this, the next time your neighbor/classmate/family member posts an #AllLivesMatter graphic, instead of scrolling past it and letting their comments fill up with affirmations, call them out! Try to spark a discussion with them about their beliefs. I say a productive conversation because, while it may be entertaining to watch Seth Rogan tell those who oppose the Black Lives Matter Movement via Instagram to “go fuck [them]selves”, as non-black allies we should be asking ourselves, “is it my place to escalate this conversation?”, “is it my place to voice outrage and throw insults?”, “am I being helpful, or am I centering myself?”. This does not mean that you should sugarcoat anything or engage with harmful points of view as if they are valid, but rather that you can call people out on social media posts in a way that educates and has the potential to bring about a mindset shift.
Be Willing To Lose Contact With People - These conversations can be daunting to start, especially if you are unsure of how people react. Still, if you find yourself wondering, “will people unfollow me if I’m vocal about social issues online”, or “will these people stop being my friends, inviting me out, or speaking to me if I challenge their beliefs?”, ask yourself if you want those people in your life to begin with. Additionally, while I mentioned earlier that non-black allies should use their position of privilege to call out implicit or explicit racism from the people in their lives, that does not mean that you have to keep these people in your life. The thing about the Black Lives Matter movement and the topic of racism in America, is that it is not merely an opinion. Liking different movie genres or types of food is a difference in opinion. I know this point has been made over and over again, but it bears repeating: the rights of human beings is not something that is up for debate. Try to initiate conversations with the people in your life who may promote harmful ideologies, but you do not have to further validate them by maintaining your friendship or relationship as if nothing has changed.
Reminder - Non-black allies should be doing everything possible to promote Black voices, stories, creators, and activists. While you are in a position of privilege to be able to talk to and call out the people in your life who (intentionally or subconsciously) contribute to the culture of racism, remember that you should not be centering yourself in these conversations, but rather using your privilege and platform to uplift the voices of black creators.