Lesbophobia is Homophobia With a Side Order of Sexism
By Lara Morgan
Graphic by Jas Calcitas
Lesbophobia: hatred, fear, and disgust towards lesbians. It’s like homophobia, but with the added sexism. Not to generalise a whole group of people, but contrary to the popular belief that men love lesbians, it’s actually primarily the (straight) males who are the lesbophobes. They think they can forcibly turn lesbians straight (she’s not going to enjoy it, trust me she will not enjoy you hurting her like that, it doesn’t work that way). Or, they hate the overall masculine ones who mimic them and take their girls. I’m sorry, but butches are amazing. “You know, sometimes I can’t tell if you’re a man or a woman. It would be nice if you wore a skirt or a dress sometimes.” First off, someone’s gender identity and expression aren’t any of your business. Second, stop telling people what to wear, it’s not any of your business.
Oh, boy, don’t forget the straight women who would love to have a gay best friend but think that every woman-loving woman is crushing on her.
Lesbophobia is homophobia with a side order of sexism. Lesbian relationships only exist because men find it a turn-on, claims study. The report suggests gay women are trying to cater to men’s sexual desires. I’m sorry, what? Because we are totally just some fetish for guys to get off to. Society tells us that women should look and behave in specific ways; these are rules that lesbians break simply by existing. Lesbophobia comprises various forms of negativity towards lesbians as individuals, as couples, or as a social group. These feelings range from disdain to hostility. From which side? The lesbian defending herself or the lesbophobes? Oh joy, double the discrimination. It’s not enough that we’re women, is it? You have to hate us because we’re gay, too. Lesbians are dangerous. Heterosexuality is dominant. Other sexual or relationship arrangements are abnormal and unnatural. These are all stereotypes that have been identified as lesbophobic. It’s not just straight people giving us this shit. No, there are queer people doing this to us too. Or, it’s our own internalised homophobia. It’s no surprise that lesbians and bisexual women are four times more likely to suffer from mental health issues than their straight female counterparts. There are people from all sides who give us all this shit simply because we are women loving women. Please, someone give me a good answer to what is wrong with a woman being in a loving, healthy relationship with another woman. I’ll gladly wait for your response.
Think you can change us? Lesbophobia is sometimes demonstrated through crimes of violence: conversion therapy, “corrective” rape, murder. And you wonder why people are still scared to come out to their families, friends, and community. Those who resist his advances are ‘just being difficult’. Are there really people on their own noble quest to disrupt every lesbian relationship in the land? As women, we are taught to ignore this. We are taught to pretend not to hear or quickly move away. We are taught to run, taught to take it. We are asked to like it. Straight people take holding hands for granted. We are scared of holding our girlfriend’s hand, scared of being close to her, scared of showing her affection in public. Because there will always be people who look at us with hatred, fear, and disgust. How do we know it’s safe to be affectionate towards our partner in public? Some of us can’t do something as simple as just be with our girlfriend, no matter how much we want to. Am I supposed to be flattered when someone says guys find it hot when girls kiss? Lesbophobia is alive and well.
You think being a cis lesbian is bad? Try being a trans woman lesbian dealing with trans exclusionist radical feminists along with every other lesbophobe out there. Lesbophobia, sexism, and transphobia. These wonderful women get triple the discrimination. Sometimes from other lesbians. “Terf is a slur.” No, it is not. If you are a radical feminist that doesn’t believe that trans women are women, then you are a trans exclusionist radical feminist, TERF for short. The worst of this is when it comes from other ‘man-hating lesbians’. Come on, trans women are amazing women. Trans women are not men. Trans women are women and will always be women.
We live in a patriarchal society. Women are supposed to have husbands. Women are supposed to be submissive. Women are supposed to do the housework, the cleaning, take care of the children. But that’s not what I want. I want to have a wife. I want to be successful. I want to live a happy, comfortable life with the woman I love. Women try to force themselves to feel attracted to men and make excuses for their attraction towards other women, such as jealousy or inspiration. Do I really want to date this girl? This beautiful girl who makes me light up whenever I see her? Or do I just want to be her friend? Be like her? Or be her?
Do you ever think you’re a fake lesbian? Internalising all that homophobia, maybe being bisexual would be easier. Maybe not. Am I being predatory for having crushes on my straight friends, or looking at a woman for too long? A pang of guilt forms in my chest whenever I catch myself thinking that a girl I’m friends with is cute. I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable. Am I making them uncomfortable? This is hard. This is confusing. This isn’t fair! Compulsory heterosexuality does not help. I once forced myself to have a crush on a guy I once knew, just to escape the age-old, dreaded question from truth or dare. (Is this a universal experience?). That crush then haunted me for years, until I figured out the truth about myself. Forced attraction. Hiding my attraction. Claiming that I like this boy or listing off fictional characters or any other unattainable man. Not that I want them, of course. I want her.
Not everyone is straight.
Not everyone is cis.
Just because you don’t understand something, doesn’t mean it’s not real.
Bibliography
Curran, Chloë. “What is Lesbophobia?” November 2015. After Ellen. Article. 25 March 2019.
Czyzselska, Jane. “Lesbophobia is homophobia with a side-order of sexism.” 9 July 2013. The Guardian. Article. 25 March 2019.
“Lesbophobia.” n.d. Wikipedia. 25 March 2019.
“Lesbophobia.” n.d. Urban Dictionary. 25 March 2019.
“Lesbophobia.” n.d. AllAboutCounseling.com. 25 March 2019.
Rudra, Jahnavi. “Coercive Heteronormativity Leads to Internalised Lesbophobia.” 15 February 2017. Gaylaxy Mag. Article. 25 March 2019.
“The Lesbophobia of Transactivism.” 13 July 2018. Medium. Article. 25 March 2019.
Urban Dictionary. Lesbophobia. 28 March 2012. Definition. 25 March 2019.
Williamson, Harriet. “Lesbophobia is alive and well.” 13 December 2013. Independent. Article. 25 March 2019.
Cherbini, Elena. “Homosexual behaviour in women only developed because of men, controversial new scientific study claims.” 19 May 2017, Pink News. Article.