Catching Up With Flower Face
By Mai Ly Hagan
Photo by Ruby McKinnon / Courtesy of the artist
A pen name for 23-year-old Ruby MacKinnon, Flower Face has been releasing music online for nearly ten years. “Back To You” is the indie singer-songwriter’s comeback. The song about first loves, and the feeling of not being able to fully let go of them. Its release is suitably timed: at the end of an eventful year and at a major career break for Flower Face.
I had the opportunity to sit down with Flower Face on Zoom to talk about her latest single, sadness and moving on, among other things.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
What was it like signing with a record label?
It was scary at first. I always had these preconceived notions of record labels and hearing horror stories about them. I’d had offers in the past from smaller indie labels but there was always a cost-benefit aspect where I figured that I’m doing pretty well independently, so it wasn’t worth it then for me to sign with a label. But with Nettwerk, they understand who I am as an artist and they’ve been greatー allowing me to have creative control and being very encouraging. So it’s like the perfect match for me.
Does signing with a record label change the way you perceive yourself as an artist?
I suppose so. It kinda made me realize that music is my job now. I mean, it’d been a career for a few years and I was making money from music but now it’s different in the sense that I have obligations and people to answer to and deadlines to meet. So it does feel more official.
So you’ve been releasing music for nearly ten years. What is it like having been releasing music for so long?
Yeah it’s crazy. It was all so organic, like I never worked with a manager or anything until last year. I never did any real promotion either, mainly because I didn’t know anything about that. Like I was going through high school posting songs on Bandcamp and not really thinking of it as career-worthy. Then I just started growing this following and getting messages and comments. At some point I realized, oh, this is a real thing that’s happening. I think what really pushed it over the edge was my song, Angela, which kind of blew up on YouTube and then Spotify, and that brought attention to some of my other songs.
There is this distinct group of fans who have been with me since I was releasing music at 14, who really loved my old Bandcamp stuff that I recorded on GarageBand. I always want to delete all that stuff because it’s embarrassing, but I want to keep it there because there’s a section of my fan base that is there specifically because of those songs.
Who are some musicians you look up to?
I have a long-term love for the Nationalー I never get tired of listening to them. But my first real music inspiration was Bright Eyes and Conor Oberst. I think when I was about 12 I started venturing into my own music for the first time, listening to a lot of alternative rock like Breaking Benjamin and Three Days Grace, the likes of that. Then I discovered Bright Eyes and that kind of led me down a rabbit hole of indie music.
Conor Oberst’s song writing really taught me how to move into that confessional kind of writing, where it’s almost like diary pages and you’re not afraid to put your entire self out there. Since I discovered his music at such a young age, that affected how I made my own music. So, I was never holding back when I wrote lyrics. With the National, they taught me how to put my feelings into different words… not always so, you know, confessional. Their music inspired me to explore things in a less literal sense.
What is your lyric writing process like?
Um, it’s pretty messy. I have a ton of notebooks and I’m always using my phone notes app, so I’ll write down lyric ideas as they come. If I come up with a chord or melody, I’ll usually piece it together from the different notes that I’ll have. Like with my latest single “Cornflower Blue,” I had this one line that had been stuck in my head for a while. From that one line I just ended up writing the entire song. But the writing process really depends.
Do you read a lot?
Yeah, I do. I’ve read a lot since I was a kid, which is what I think made me a writer. I think I’ve read around 60 books this year. Right now I’m re-reading ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’, which is like my favorite book series ever. They’re the books I grew up loving. But, yeah, in general I read lots of fiction and poetry. Also, if I’m really in a period of writer’s block, I’ll go on Genius and just read a ton of lyrics from all different artists. I find that one word can just trigger an array of ideas.
Who’s your favorite poet?
I’m really into Richard Siken. Which is, like, very obvious. But I find that if I’m going to someone’s work for inspiration, like looking for those little words or feelings or bits and pieces, it’s generally his work.
I know you’re a visual artist. Can you tell me more about your visual art?
Yeah, so I have a fine arts degree and I also went to an arts high school. I never thought, though, that I'd ever be doing video or digital art. When I was in grade ten I took a required media arts class and the teacher was amazing. It really introduced me to video, digital art, photography, and stuff like thatー I find that those are my most used mediums now. I enjoy keeping an art journal, like a journal for collaging, drawing, writing, all in a stream of consciousness. There’s actually a journal I did throughout the studio process that’s going to be a part of this album release.
Is there a visual process behind the songs you write?
There are always visuals in my head. Sometimes it’s a collage, like a mental mood board, and other times it’s like a video in my head. When I wrote “Cornflower Blue,” I pretty much had the music video idea in my head right off the bat. I think I’m a very visual person. Like there’s always something to be envisioned.
Let’s talk a bit about your singles. First, how has it been for you with the release of “Cornflower Blue”?
Cornflower Blue is such an important song to me. It’s really crazy to finally release it because this has been the song for me the past two years and no one has heard it. The response it’s gotten has been so amazing and, yeah, it’s all very exciting. The music video was shot in Detroit with Matthew Pimental. It took a while to shoot because of COVID-19, but that gave us more time to brainstorm and come up with all these different ideas. I think we really brought it to life in a magical way.
One detail in your zine that struck me was the reference to Vermeer. Could you tell me about that?
I really love the story about Vermeer and how cornflower blue was his favorite color to paint with. Even though the shade was insanely expensive, he used it anyway because he loved it so much. He used it to the point of bankruptcy.
“Cornflower Blue” is a song about believing you’re in this amazing, beautiful love that nobody else understands. You’re the only people who really see each other. But really things have gotten twisted, and you’re not truly seeing or hearing each other at all anymore. You’ve stopped seeing the other person as a human being because you’re seeing them as an extension of yourself. So “Cornflower Blue” is about trying to mask that. You have this beautiful, pure kind of love that you dream about. But, in the end, it’s a lie.
I feel like the music video definitely conveys that. Like we see this happy, nuclear family and it all just dissolves into, like you said, this point of pure exhaustion.
Yeah. The dancers are like this idealistic version of the love you want to have. But the fantasy can’t be kept up because, you know, halfway through the video it all dissolves into darkness.
Would you consider yourself an idealist?
I think that I used to be, but it has kind of been crushed out of me throughout my life. You become an adult and realize that you can’t always be an idealist. I don’t know… maybe some people go through their lives believing that everything will be fine… but I think that, as you grow up, you reach a point where you have to figure things out for yourself. There’s no life-balancing force in the universe that’s going to make sure things don’t go awry. But I have myself and I can take care of myself and I’ve got to keep going regardless.
Does your music reflect your own ideal in life?
Even though I say that I’m less of an idealistic person, I think that through songwriting I’m able to maintain and keep exploring that side of me. It’s like my art is, in the end, separate from me, even though it is such a big part of me. It’s that sort of outlet where I can be romantic and I can make my life story more beautiful and poetic than it really is.
Do you have a person in mind when you write your lyrics?
Sometimes I start writing songs and I think it’s about one specific person, but it always ends up becoming someone more figurative. There’s like this character in my mind, who is sort of an amalgamation of everything I’ve ever felt, everyone I’ve ever loved, and everyone who has ever heard me at all. Um, there are a few songs that are about specific people or situations, but generally it’s more broad.
Let’s talk about your latest release now, “Back to You.” Tell me more about the song.
It’s about the frustratingly simple thing of just not being able to get over someone. Especially when they’re your first love and you’re with them at a pivotal time in your life. You go through a lot and discover things together. It’s hard to get past that. I think that especially with your first love, there’s always going to be a little piece of them with you. But, yeah, it’s about realizing that the feeling is going to stick with you forever. Also, similar to ‘Cornflower Blue,” it’s about this feeling of, like, nobody really understanding you. That feeling of “I’m the only person who’s ever felt this way in the history of the world,” even though most people have felt that way. Everyone has been heartbroken and felt like they’re not going to get past it. But, in that moment, it feels like you’re the only person suffering through it, you know?
I find it fascinating that you write a lot of love songs, but they almost always explore a twisted aspect to it.
I guess I just find those types of songs more interesting. I find it hard to write a straight happy love song. I just find darker things more interesting when it comes to any kind of art. I think that making dark art gives me an outlet, so I’m not just constantly gloomy in my real life. I’ve had comments made about me along the lines of “how can one person be this sad?” But, I’m actually fine. I’m able to enjoy my life because I can put all those thoughts into music.
Could you tell me more about the visual process behind making that song?
So, for the lyric video, I got up with my mom at five in the morning. I asked her to drive me down the highway as the sun rose, so I could film out the window. It was filmed on the 402, which is this really long highway in Ontario that is just like endless fields. It’s just one long video. As you watch the video, it looks like a departure, like you’re moving towards something else, but the whole thing feels like a never-ending loop. You’re not actually going anywhere. You’re seeing the same thing over and over again. So, that kind of reflects the feeling of realizing that you’re not over something and that you’re actually back where you started again. The colors in the video are also what were in my mind when I wrote the song, warm and golden. Kind of like a kids painting.
“Back To You” is, I think, the oldest song on the album. I wrote half of it back in 2015, and the rest probably in 2017. It’s just a song that I never recorded until now.
I feel like there’s this overlying theme of nostalgia. What was it like returning to all of it ー like the corn field and the lyrics.
I feel like I do go back to things I wrote before fairly often. Usually, it’s notebooks for inspiration. But this was one of those rare times where I’d gone back and used entire verses that I wrote. I think that’s what gives the song this juxtaposition, like there are two distinct parts. The verses show this idealism, “quit your job, come sleep in my bed, we’ll get by with our roses and elegies.” Then the chorus is the realization later in life of “Oh, I’m constantly returning to you.” It’s almost like two different people.
How’s it been for you going from recording in your bedroom to a massive studio?
It’s a whole new experience. Josh Kaiser, who’s a friend of mine, was my main collaborator. He plays guitar in my band, but he also produced my album, Baby Teeth and co-produced this next album. So the two of us went to Toronto and stayed there a few weeks. Every single day we’d get up, go to the studio, stay there until late at night, and then do it all over again. I think it was the first time in my life where I felt like, “oh, this is my job.” So it’s definitely been a turning point.
But, in terms of my songwriting, it honestly feels the same as it did five years ago because it’s still me in my room figuring things out. I feel like it’ll always be the same, or at least it needs to be the same in order for me to maintain my sense of self.
With the pandemic, how have you been connecting with fans?
It’s been a lot of live streaming. I like live streaming because there’s more of a conversation than when you’re playing a show, like you’re seeing what all these people are saying. So that’s a bright side to it all because obviously it sucks to finish a song and then just sit there in silence afterwards. I think it’s really cute when people, like, sing along in the comments or chat. LIke they’d type out the lyrics as if they were there in concert, which is really sweet.
I think that at the beginning of COVID I was like, “This is going to be so great and productive.” Then I just fell into months of writer’s block and really questioning the point of being an artist. It’s hard now to imagine touring and doing the typical big album release, which I really wanted to do when we had first finished recording the album, back in February of 2020. Literally, we were in the studio when the first cases of COVID were in Toronto and we were questioning how bad it would be. We were like, “Oh no, it’s fine.” Then it was really bad. So it was frustrating that we had made this whole album that I was excited for. We were going to release it in Fall of 2020. Now it’s December of 2021 and I’m like, “Here’s one song.” So it’ll be really nice to finally put more music out there.
Since we’re at the end of the year. What are you looking forward to in 2022?
I’m looking forward to releasing the album. I feel like there’s so many pieces of it, like videos and art and the journals and songs, that have been slowly put together over the last few years. So I’m excited for that art to finally exist in the real world. Also, I’m excited to do vinyl for the first time. There are all these various small specific things that I’m looking forward to. Like, it’s all kind of up in the air. Still, I’m looking forward to the album release. I’m looking forward to the tour. I’m really looking forward to recording the next album, because I think the recording process is like my favorite part of being an artist.
Is there anything that you want to let go of for the new year?
So I am living on my own for the first time and that has been a massive shift. So, I think that I’m letting go of the fear of spending time in my own company. Something that I have started, but I want to continue working on is being able to hang out by myself. You know, stand my own company and my own thoughts. I think that living alone has helped me start to figure out how to be a person on my own in this world. ◆