Of All People, The UK Government Exacerbated My Eating Disorder
Content Warning: Disordered eating. The following work contains sensitive content. Please be advised.
Food is one of my favourite things in the whole world. I consider myself lucky to be born into the Punjabi culture, with a glorious cuisine full of such an array of aromas, dishes, flavours and ingredients. Growing up, I wasn’t a skinny kid, I used to get teased for being plump, all because I enjoyed my food. I naturally lost the weight, however my attachment to food came to define my personality. I still consider myself a foodie, so much so that I even created an Instagram just to celebrate some of the delectable dishes I have made or enjoyed. Behind all of this though, for years I have struggled with eating, and things such as my Instagram are a way for me to maintain a good relationship with food. I thought I was doing okay recently, only for this progress to be interrupted by none other than the U.K. government.
For a month in 2020, the U.K. government administered the Eat Out to Help Out scheme to try and re-boost the economy after the COVID crisis. It was brilliant: up to 50% off food out from Monday-Wednesday. We were all excited to get back out and enjoy meals cooked by others, for cheap prices. Yet, in the same year, the government released information on their new strategy in their attempt to tackle the serious health conditions that come with obesity. Some of the policies included banning advertisements for food that has high contents of fat and sugar before watershed and requiring restaurants with more than 250 employees to place calorie counts on their menus. The initiative, which appears to have only one target, ends up affecting two. Whilst spurring on fatphobia, it also puts anyone with an eating disorder in a dangerous position.
The government proceeds with the intention to encourage people to get fit, keep moving and lose weight, but in doing so begins with encouraging people to believe they have a problem. When lockdown began, many of us were forced to stay indoors. Energies were hit, morale was hit and all round the national spirit was low. More than one million people were also shielding others, which made it even more difficult to go shopping for groceries as well as to exercise. I remember hating to cook, because I just felt so awful. I wanted to eat what was easy. What could bring me comfort though a hot takeaway, or instant noodles (with some prawns for the protein!). Pair this with a lack of motivation to workout at home and only being allowed one walk per day, and I was bound to gain some weight. It felt like at this time absolutely everyone started to do the Chloe Ting challenge, or I was following countless weight loss journeys on TikTok. I was finally a bit encouraged! I could totally workout at home, I could 100% stay in shape, but it wasn’t long until my disordered eating started to remanifest. As the government moved further with their policies, I began to feel like I was no longer doing it for myself. My relationship with food again became toxic, making me feel like eating wasn’t nourishing me, only polluting me.
Routinely at 10am everyday, I get a reminder on my phone that says: ‘eating is always better than not’. I don’t check off this reminder though; instead I let it sit there throughout the day. When I pick up the phone in the morning on a bad day, feeling sick at the thought of breakfast, it’s there. Checking the bus times and sending a text to my mum that I’m feeling fine today, it’s there. Even when I am sitting down in a restaurant on a date with my boyfriend, I lift up my phone to remind myself. The idea that I may have to sit down and look at a menu with calories next to every meal terrifies me, in the fear that I’ll be terribly put off and feel awful. Tied in with my disorderly eating habits, it also embeds into my conscience that gaining weight is an unattractive and fateful thing. I recognise that it’s okay to want to watch my food when I want to stay fit, but to look at food in general as a bad thing is a draining and unhealthy prospect that is hard to evade.
Trying to keep your relationship with food healthy and without falling prey to the rampant fatphobia that plagues society is not easy, but is not impossible. I just hope and pray the government considers their choices as they can easily go west. To be made to feel that your body is unattractive is a twisted fate, when we should be encouraged to believe that all bodies are equal, and all bodies are beautiful. Yes, we should be sure to watch what we consume, at risk of falling ill, but never should we feel guilty. ◆