Do You Have a Minute To Talk About Sex?
Illustration by Alex Ramos
In my dorm resides the Rubber Duck, a 6-inch tall pink, duck-shaped plastic container that holds condoms, dental dams, lube and other safe sex supplies for anyone to take. No one focuses on the anomaly of the condom duck; it just exists to assist anyone whenever it can. Talking about sex in my friend groups became so normalized that having a communal collective of condoms also became normalized. Sex lost its taboo nature among my friends, and I think we all have a healthier experience with sex because of it.
My experience with talking about sex has been surprisingly educational — I work as an educator to promote sexual health on my college campus. I rehearse sex education lectures for residential hall presentations and inform the masses of birth control. When I talk about sex, my comments stem less from personal escapades and more from the latest sex research I learned about. Essentially, conversations about sex do not need to revolve around personal experiences. You do not need to have sex to talk about sex.
When my friends and I talk about sex, the topics vary from discussing how our bodies feel to what criteria to judge a sex toy on. When I started taking birth control pills, I asked my friends about common side effects. I talked to friends about whether masturbation habits seem normal and directed people to find a pregnancy test. When I learned that the student health services carried flavored condoms, I stocked up on one of every flavor and held a taste test with friends. While guessing the flavors of half a dozen condoms seems insignificant to the larger picture of sex education, talking about condoms in a casual environment eased my friends and I into talking about deeper sexual problems in general without even realizing it.
People tell me about the importance of creating a support system for mental health. I think that having a support system for sexual health is equally important. If I need a ride to get an STI test, I know exactly who I could turn to just like how I know who to turn to if I am flooded with anxieties around a big paper.
If I did not have friends to talk about sex with, I worry about where I would turn to. Television series like Sex Education provide a great entrance to thinking about sex in a positive and educational manner. However, Sex Education is a fictional show that sets out to tell a story and educate as a byproduct. If I had a specific sexual query, I should not need to wait for a television show to craft a plot line around it. Young people may also try to learn from porn which notoriously depicts women, people of color and queer folk in disparaging ways. Plus, professionals perform in porn. Real sex will never look just like porn. A young person trying to compare themselves to the depictions in porn will likely just lead to disappointment.
By talking about sex openly with friends, I now see myself and my own desires as normal. I feel more empowered about the decisions I make regarding my own body, and my anxieties surrounding sex declined. I encourage every 20-something to establish a group to talk about sex with. Who knows, you may even become the proud owner of a pink duck that stores condoms and lube. And if you talk about sex openly and comfortably enough, no one will bat an eye at it.