Check your DMs: Pinterest
By Katie Bird
Follow Katie Bird, a queer and potentially unlovable woman, on her journey to find companionship in a hopeless time and place (the 21st century and Idaho, respectively).
By Sarah Wright
Last week a Snapchat memory from the “random” category, the latest jarring and unnecessary feature that Snapchat has added to its sinister arsenal, surfaced on my phone screen and reminded me how I feel about dating. The photo in question was of me, looking equal parts dashing and dejected, sitting on my porch swing in the mid-summer heatwave of 2022, concisely captioned, “dating stinks”. Retweet.
I took this photo after my initial attempt to get back out there following my first major heartbreak, in which I went on five Tinder dates in the course of one week. To a more seasoned dater this may be small potatoes, but to a serial monogamist such as myself, it was a special circle of hell.
Since having the poetic epiphany that “dating stinks,” a sentiment that in hindsight feels like less of an epiphany and more like quitter talk, I have dabbled in dating here and there but have mainly come to the conclusion that 1. I hate dating apps, and 2. I have very little game. Nonetheless, I am rapidly approaching the one year anniversary of When I Got Dumped for the First Time, so I have decided to embark on a noble pursuit: to find the perfect obscure, non-dating app to DM cuties on, or I am going to die trying– or get bored after a few articles and just kind of stop. Anyways! Let’s get to it.
I decided to begin this journey as all good journeys begin: months ago and with a hail mary. After all, how are we to advance onto a new chapter without tying up loose ends? How are we to rush into uncharted territory without carefully contemplating what we leave behind? Do you catch my drift? I DMed my ex.
Let me be perfectly clear; I am not perfect. Just like everyone else in the world, I wake up in the morning and put my fashionable pants on one leg at a time, and I occasionally miss my ex. Such is life. C’est la vie.
I spent far too long, roughly 27 minutes, attempting to choose the ideal platform to message my ex on. Finally, I settled on Pinterest, an app that practically oozes nostalgia, self improvement, and wedding planning — the three most important ingredients for reconciling with an ex. Plus, this app was weirdly formative in my gay awakening and thus seems appropriate for the occasion.
Like any responsible journalist, I decided to do my research on Pinterest before letting my tasteful direct message fly. This research began and ended with me googling the word “Pinterest” and clicking on the company's own profile. Their online presence boasts multiple slogans, such as “Discover recipes, home ideas, style inspiration, and other ideas to try.” Other ideas felt open-ended enough to encapsulate “woo a former lover,” so I took that to be the blessing I was waiting for.
It was finally time to craft my message, and after another 27 minutes of oscillating between writing a heartfelt novella or sending an interesting pin, I finally decided on sending a ridiculous pin that would either be impossible to discern or convey my feelings wholly.
My target was selected, my platform chosen, and my message crafted; there was nothing left to do but press send. Which I did, only to feel an immediate and overwhelming rush of embarrassment, regret, fear, you name it. I panicked and followed up with a classless, cowardly whoops, that was intended for someone else who has an entirely different name, as if it is easy and common to direct message people on Pinterest at 9:53 a.m. In this world (my world) it is not.
Jesus Christ. I am sending my crush a meme and pretending it was by accident. I am literally no better than a sixth grade boy.
Hours, days, weeks passed without a response. I berated myself for my inability to just leave things alone, for my lack of coolness and my overt desperation. It is so horribly humbling, so exhausting to be the one who gets their heart broken, but even worse to be the one to continuously reopen the wound. In my refusal to leave well enough alone, I gave my lingering feelings of heartbreak and inadequacy a tangible metric by which I could measure it.
This is the messy nature of expired love. Sometimes we pick at scabs because the thought of letting them heal feels too final.
But eventually, finally, I stopped checking to see if my ex had read that message; in fact, I stopped thinking about the message at all. Heartbreak fades in a funny way; sometimes you just cease to find time for it. I was busy spending time with my friends and family, watching new movies and reading new books. Busy going on long, snowy walks through my neighborhood, simultaneously enjoying the cold and missing the endless July heat that, despite all odds, ended. And yes, busy trying to date other people. The space that the implied rejection of that unacknowledged Pinterest message took up in my head began to dwindle. I nearly forgot about it all together.
Until, of course, I got a response.
Yes, girls, gays and theys, this story has a happy ending. Not that happy ending, where my ex and I get back together and have a beautiful, immaculately planned wedding sponsored by Pinterest themselves. This happy ending is closure in the form of a silly direct message five months later; the happy ending is being able to survive rejection by not only facing my embarrassment and sickening vulnerability, but to embrace them as strengths.
Pinterest DM Rating: 7/10
Strengths: Very cute and kind of romantic. A Pinterest message is essentially the equivalent of telling someone, “hey, this made me think of you,” which is the stuff Hallmark movies and marriage proposals are made of.
Weaknesses: Who has their Pinterest notifications on? Not a timely way to get in contact with someone.
Verdict: When done well, a Pinterest DM is a great way to express to someone that you care about their interests and want to brighten their day. Or, more realistically, to brighten their day four to six months from now when they briefly remember that Pinterest exists. ♦