Self-Discovery in the Age of Isolation and Influencers
Self portrait by Libby Moore
I found myself in the color red.
I grew up in a culture that discouraged me from integrating the color into my self-expression at any capacity. Heavy political connotations were implied when wearing it in the late 2000s-early 2010s Venezuelan society I lived in. The connotation was so prominent and abrasive it went as far as establishing the common practice of assuming that anyone who wore the color agreed with an ideology. Additionally, connections to sensuality and womanhood made it almost age-inappropriate for pre-teen girls to express themselves with it; the intensity of the irreverent color clashed with the expected passive image of pure young girls.
Even after immigrating to a new society that didn’t hold the same prejudices against the color, I was used to actively avoiding it. I couldn’t separate it from the negative associations attached to it. As a teenager struggling to define my identity on multiple fronts, I never thought too much about it and what it represented; I had bigger identity crises to have. It took me years to realize how these deeply ingrained cultural limitations to my self-expression affected my perception of myself.
It wasn’t until I revised how this kind of subconscious barrier painted a restrictive picture of who I allowed myself to be that I started to develop a sense of self that was independent of what I had been told to be. It took the world going into lockdown for me to re-establish a healthier relationship with my self-image. During quarantine, after all external expectations were removed from my self-perception, I finally developed a stronger sense of self. I saw myself for who I was once removed from the societal influences that had been piling up and building a standard that I helped myself up against and constantly tried to achieve; I got a chance to truly meet myself. The solitude revealed the things that I overlooked in my daily life, the subtle details that add up to who I am.
Self-discovery is a deeply personal journey that can be fulfilling and rewarding, but it is also an abstract concept. When people advise teenagers and young adults to be themselves and guide their decisions around the best reflection of their true self, they don’t include a manual of how to find that sense of self or what that might be like. The path to finding yourself doesn’t always look the same. Some personal truths come to us like whispers in quiet solitude, and others are sparks of joy in the middle of crowded rooms.
Solitude can help on the journey of self-discovery like it did for me, but it is worthy to note that total isolation can also obfuscate one’s social perception of self. A big part of the journey of self-discovery is simply navigating life without limitations to self-expression, letting yourself shine through your actions and recognizing the patterns that align with who you consider yourself to be.
The media and culture around us often present standards of what an ideal, socially desirable person is. Letting go of expectations of who we should be is the first crucial step to self-discovery. Once you divorce the external standards, you must find and define your intrinsic values and core beliefs that guide your worldview. Understanding your own perspective of the world around you will reveal parts of your identity that might not be as obvious during an exclusively introspective study of the self.
The process of self-discovery involves radical self-acceptance. It requires that you embrace who you are without feeling shame or rejection of your identity. Who we are when there’s no one else around, who we think we are, who others think we are, who we aspire to be, and who we present to society can all provide different pictures of our personality and identity. No matter how genuine one might aim to be in any of these presentations, having an identical presence in every space is nearly impossible. The key to knowing who you are lies in finding yourself at the seams of what you believe to be true about yourself and what others perceive.
However, your most personal values and beliefs will often still reflect on the culture that raised you and the external influences you have absorbed during your life. Influences to our sense of self come from all kinds of sources; maybe it’s the media you consumed growing up or the tiny details in your loved one’s personalities that you picked up on. We go about life with the unique insight that results from the subtle and not-so-subtle intersections in our lives. Your upbringing doesn’t have to define you, but it inevitably influences your own unique perspective on life; part of knowing yourself involves recognizing, accepting, and embracing this.
In the oversaturation of the digital age, personal identity can very easily become a blur. The influencer-spectator symbiotic relationship of the current social media landscape encourages young people who are yet to discover their individual identity to model themselves after these public figures deemed socially desirable. However, developing a strong sense of self in a consumerist society that pushes us to buy into the latest trends is an act of self-assertion. With the accelerating trend cycle causing the quick rise and fade of microtrends on social media, developing a strong sense of personal style is crucial to avoid unsustainable consumer practices.
You can view the concept of self as a mosaic of external influences and a reflection of past experiences that define how we view ourselves and the world we exist in.
Today, I can say red is my signature color (I’m writing this with freshly dyed bright red hair), and I feel comfortable with who I am and who I will continue to grow into. I can appreciate the influences that shape my perspective on life while also knowing who I am at my core. Self-discovery, like self-development, is a journey with no definite end. No one stays the same their entire life, but some are fortunate enough to be genuinely themselves throughout.